• Flips the Hamster

    Once upon a time there was a little boy who developed a sudden and inexplicable obsession with hamsters.

    Did you know there are entire videos on YouTube just about hamsters? Just… hamsters doing stuff? Neither did I, but somehow he did and wanted to watch those videos for HOURS.

    So weird.

    D and I were against it because, you know, rodent.

    But this kid was unrelenting. He didn’t just want a hamster, he NEEDED a hamster.

    So we devised a plan and bought a calendar and put an extra little chore or bit of homework on every day for a month. We said if he did his extra chore every day (without complaining) we would get him a hamster.

    Honestly, we thought the odds of him losing interest were pretty high and that we’d be safe.

    Chuck Testa Nope.

    The little stinker earned his hamster and named her Flips.


    And even we had to admit she’s kinda cute.


    BUT, she’s also kinda dumb.

    About four days after we got her, Sev and I got home before D and Flips was upside down in her tube. I didn’t think it was a big deal until I realized she wasn’t moving… at all.

    I opened the lid and poked her. Nothing. Poked her a little harder… nothing.

    I made a secret and frantic call to D and his advice was to act natural so Sev wouldn’t figure it out before we could replace her. Heh.

    But nooooooo. Of course he wanted to hold his brand new hamster he’d been coveting for so long. He opened the lid. Nothing. Poked her, nothing. Poked her a little harder…. nothing.

    He looked at me with his big blue eyes welling up with tears and said, “I think Flips is dead.”

    And my heart broke.

    He asked me to get her out so we could bury her in a shoe box. So I pull the tube off the cage and, uh, shake her loose and the second she’s upright, the dang thing wakes up.


    I honestly think she got stuck in there, the blood rushed to her head, and she passed out.

    Flips lost tube privileges that day.

    And so while she may be kinda cute, she is also a butthole.


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